What To Leave Behind in 2020 (Part 2)
In part one of this three part series, I shared 7 key things to leave behind in 2020. That list includes jealousy and other people's opinions. I continue the list in this post and I'll complete it in part three (coming soon). Check out part one here.
Aiming for Perfection
Whenever we're focused on perfection it keeps us from progressing. I'm a reformed perfectionist. As a student, I wanted to create the best work and I realize now that what I really wanted was perfection for myself. I've grown to move towards progress as opposed to perfection. For example, I will release things that aren't quite ready, and that's something I never would have been comfortable with in the past. I will post something on Instagram even though I'm not entirely sure that I have the right photo or written the right things. I will launch programs that I'm still working on and improving as I teach. When I'm recording videos, the most I'll redo the video is a couple times. After the third time, that's good enough for me.
Strive for Progress, Not Perfection
Letting go of perfection allows us to move forward and progress towards what we're trying to create in this next year and the coming decade. We know that perfection it doesn't even exist! It is completely arbitrary and related back to worrying about other people's opinions. When we worry about perfection it's because we're putting out something into the world that other people are going to see. Are they going to judge us? It's not possible to produce a perfect product, that simply doesn't exist. it doesn't matter what you create or how much content you post - there will always be people that you cannot please. Do it anyway! Share it anyway! Create it anyway!
Not Trusting Our Gut
One thing I speak about on a regular basis is our gut health. I am really passionate about the microbiome. It's super interesting and I believe it's the next frontier of understanding of how our human body works. We mapped the human genome, and then we realized that there's so much more going on at a microbiome level. Our gut brain is just as powerful as our other brain, and in some cases, more powerful.
Embracing trusting our gut listening to our intuition is critical in this new decade. We know what's best for ourselves; our body knows; our cells know, and our bacteria know. I give us permission to trust our gut in a way that we never have before!
Before making decisions, let's put our hands on our gut and think about what is my gut telling me? Closing our eyes and allowing our intuition to speak and giving it space before we make decisions. This can change the way that we interact with people and react.
When we react an anger we're definitely not trusting our gut. We're listening to our reptilian brain. Giving ourselves space and time to listen to our intuition and trust our gut is critical in 2020 and beyond.
Parenting other people's children
Even before becoming a parent, I strive to do my best and give parents the benefit of the doubt. I choose to assume parents are doing the best that they can at that moment in time. We don't know what's going on with the child, or with the parent, or with their home life. We simply don't have enough understanding to really know what's happening behind the scenes.
It's easy to ditch out the advice based on our own perspective as parents or even as non-parents. What I'm recommending that we do going forward is to
Leave parenting to the parents.
Let the parents parent their children the way that they feel is best. If they ask for help and advice, let's share our advice in a non-judgmental way. And then let it be okay if they don't take our advice or make changes based on what we've shared.
However, if a child is in harm's way or in danger I absolutely feel that it is our duty to step up and to do something and to make sure that a child is safe.
As a homeschool parent I struggle with this. I do feel as though we are defending the way we raise our daughter. It is really different than how others may br raising their children and I choose to say that homeschooling is a solution for our family but it's not the solution for every chil. And it doesn't have to be. I offer help and support for those looking at this option and I also know that it is not going to work for most families. We are blessed that we have the flexibility and support system to make it work.
It's our turn to speak up that when we see a situation that looks dangerous or someone's in harm's way. It's our turn to safely interact whether that means calling authorities or speaking our minds and being authentic in our truth.
The #metoo movement happened at the end of this last decade and it taught us that it's okay to speak up and to share our truth. Women, those who identify as women and minorities have been ostracized and not given a voice. We are starting to speak up. And we're starting to get a real understanding of how many people have been treated. We are no longer staying quiet and I encourage people to continue to use their voices to speak about things that have been unspeakable before.
Our voices are our power.
We can choose to speak up rather than staying quiet. One of the things that I speak about I speak about is miscarriage. I've been through two traumatic miscarriages. I am blessed to have one child and had two miscarriages after her. I speak about it because it has been so hidden and kept secret, likely because it's a womens issue.
I'm choosing to no longer stay quiet about it I'm using my voice to share my story, and to bring a voice to all those that can't or are unable to their voice and their message.
It’s easier to hold back and restrain ourselves when we are criticizing others, because it is happening outside of ourselves. Criticizing ourselves, our bodies and our lives is harder to quit. Criticism connects back to negative self-talk. I've caught myself saying that I'm a really bad mom because I did something that didn’t feel good (such a raising my voice with my daughter), and when my daughter hears me criticizing myself, it’s upsetting to her. She doesn't understand why I’m a bad parent for doing this, that or the other thing. To her, I’m simply her mom. And thankfully, she rarely criticizes me.
The term constructive criticism is archaic. We've moved beyond using constructive criticism, and I prefer to use feedback instead. I recommend asking someone if we have their permission to give feedback before sharing our opinion. Criticism is saying something, unsolicited. and usually it's negative. When we look at feedback instead, it’s something we can ask others for. Do you remember ever asking for criticism? It’s much easier to ask for feedback and ideas on how to improve. If we offer to give someone feedback (or to coach them) and they say no, it’s up to us to stay quiet and move on.
Moving forward, feedback is super important and can be valuable, and I think criticism usually does more harm than good.
Stay tuned for part 3, where I’ll be sharing the rest of my list of 20. Don’t want to wait? You can listen to the full list on my new podcast, Wake Up With Gratitude. The episode is called What To Leave Behind in 2020.
http://bit.ly/wakeupwithgratitudepodcast - Apple Podcast
http://bit.ly/wakeupwithgratitudestitcher - Stitcher
http://bit.ly/wakeupwithgratitudespotify - Spotify
This blog is based on a transcript of the podcast, so it’s similar to what I’ve shared in the audio.