The Leadership Lesson I Didn't Want
A few weeks ago, I attended the USANA International Convention in Salt Lake City. This was my 11th time attending, in the 13 years that I've been partnered with the company. And within 24 hours of arriving at Convention this year, I received the gift of a leadership lesson that I really didn't want.
The night before the main event, I had a moment where I felt like I had been overlooked and left out of a very special event. I felt like other leaders who were 'on the same level' as me were invited, and I was not asked to be a part of it.
It's the worst feeling in the world when you feel like you're being excluded.
In reality, my emotional reaction was so ridiculous because it was never about me. No one was trying to leave me out, or exclude me, or anything like that. Yet it was a really hard moment for me.
Here's what I was telling myself: "I'm growing here. This is where leadership is happening and it's all about growth." The leadership lesson that I didn't want was back again to teach me.
I was really upset. I felt really slighted, I felt overlooked. For me, these are my most vulnerable places; when I feel like I've been left out, or overlooked, or not recognized. And it's where I feel the most pain and judgment.
The biggest ah-ha moment that came out of this was that I realized why I do the gratitude work that I do.
When I do my work, and I recognize others, showing my gratitude towards them actually meets my own needs. I'm giving others what it is that I need the most; which is to be recognized, to be included, to be noticed. One of my deepest desires is to have others know that I'm here and that I'm important.
I had never, ever thought of that until this week, until I went through this huge emotional roller-coaster. Which, again, was totally ridiculous because it wasn't about me.
There is a beautiful freedom from learning this about myself.
I've finally realized that's why I do gratitude work. I had never really understood why it has always been so important to me.
A few days later, in the MasterClass with Gary Vaynerchuk I learned another really valuable leadership lesson. His biggest skill, or talent, or whatever it is, is he doesn't give a fuck what anyone else thinks of him. I'm talking about not just the negative but he also says, "I don't notice the positive."
My jaw dropped when he shared this ... because I'm always looking for affirmation for others. I love it when you say nice things about me on Facebook, or Instagram or comment on my blog. I'm definitely attached to what others think of me and whether they're thinking about me or not.
Even though I know nobody's thinking about me or worried about me because they're thinking about themselves. I have this deep need to feel loved, and accepted, even though I know that I already am. I know that I have so many people in my life who love me, and accept me. And that is why gratitude is a core value for me.
I accept your challenge Gary.
I will really work on letting go of the good comments, the likes, all that stuff, and the negative. I'll keep posting the stuff that I'm excited and passionate about and sharing my words with you. I want to get back to the issues that really are important to me. You'll hear me talking more about how my beautiful journey with USANA has influenced so many things in my life that are really, really, really important to me right now.
That's it. I love you, but I don't give a fuck if you read this blog or comment.
p.s. Here's the original live video that inspired this blog.
p.p.s. Blog hack: get the transcript for any audio or video on rev.com. It cost me $5 to get the audio transcribed and I had it in 30 min. That provided the outline for this blog post. Genius!