Jealousy is Killing My Business
Recently, I wrote a three part blog post on what to leave behind in the last decade. As we move forward into 2020 and beyond, the number one thing for me to work on leaving behind is Jealousy.
Edit: Dan and I recorded a podcast together after this blog post was written.
Wake Up With Gratitude Podcast, Episode 21 - Don't Ever Give Up On Your Dreams.
Jealousy is Killing My Business
"Every time we speak negatively about someone else's success, every time we feel like someone was chosen over us or we were overlooked, we're putting out a lot negative energy into the world. Instead of jealousy what if we worked on really celebrating other people's successes?" My own words, written about a month ago.
I know better than to give into feelings of jealousy. I know how dangerous and unhealthy this path is. And I KNOW that jealousy is not aligned with being grateful. And yet, here I am. One month into 2020 and still struggling with jealousy.
It hit me today while talking to my husband. Here's our story.
My husband has been an avid 'gamer' since he was kid. He became a software developer in college because he originally wanted to develop video games. When his mentor told him that if he chose that path he might not be able to have a family (because of the lifestyle), he decided to do software development and programming for business instead.
When we met, I knew he liked to play video games. I do too and before we had our daughter we would play together on our Playstation. Our wedding gift to each other was a Playstation 3.
Fast forward to 2016, Twitch had become a real thing and gamers were watching other people stream their game play. Dan loved watching other people's streams and wanted to get into it. In 2017, before we moved to BC, Dan started streaming (World of Warcraft). He got really into it and I didn't like it all. I hated that he would be playing for hours and hours and that he couldn't really be interrupted. The irony is that before he streamed he was playing for just as many hours. It just bothered me that he 'had' to be there for his community. At that time, his community was fairly small and he had about 40 subscribers.
Two years ago, we moved to BC from Ontario, so from EST to PST and just like that, he stopped streaming and even stopped playing WOW. He never gave up on his dream of getting back to it though. Late last year (2019) Borderlands 3 was released for PC. He started playing and as with most games, got really good really quickly. He watched other streamers and interacted with them and the community started to ask him when he was going to start streaming again.
I was definitely not on board with this. I didn't want him to be stuck in a schedule or not be with his family because he was on his game. The reality is that he was already gaming most evenings and we were totally okay with it. And yet, I was angry that he was starting his stream again.
He started back up again and within a week he was a Twitch affiliate which meant he could now have 'subs' (subscribers) who pay a monthly fee to support his channel. On his first night of affiliate, he got over 20 subs. Which means he made money. In the next few days, his subs grew to over 30 and 200 followers.
And I was mad.
And he was full of joy and gratitude.
That's when I realized it. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of his 'overnight success'. I'm jealous that he is loved by his community and has incredible support in a very short period of time. I'm jealous that he already made some money.
I'm jealous because there are days when I look at 14 years in business with USANA and 3 years of Wake Up With Gratitude and don't even make what he made on his first night of streaming. I'm jealous because I've been working hard for the past three years and have seen my revenue drop and my debt load grow.
I'm jealous because he is doing what brings him so much JOY and the money flows.
Being jealous is killing my business and if I don't smarten up, it will hurt my marriage too. This a-ha moment in the car helped me to realize what was really going on. And now I can shift my perspective.
I'm grateful my husband has a hobby that brings him joy.
I'm grateful that there are now ways he can earn income playing video games.
I'm grateful that he is such a wonderful guy and now more and more people get to spend time with him.
I'm grateful that he treats people with kindness and respect and supports his community with positivity.
I'm grateful that his side income could take some of the financial pressure off my shoulders.
I'm grateful that every morning he is so excited to share with me how his stream went last night.
I'm grateful that he always takes a break from his stream to tuck in our daughter and kiss me goodnight.
I'm grateful that family will always come first for Dan.
I'm grateful for the lesson I've learned in the past couple of weeks.
And I'm grateful for the reminder that every time I have feelings of jealousy, all I'm doing is lowering my vibe away from GRATITUDE and LOVE.
I am SO ready to leave jealousy behind in 2020! You with me?
p.s. If you want to see what a Twitch stream looks like, here is Dan's channel: https://www.twitch.tv/psychotic_wolf/videos
Moments of jealousy is something we all deal with yet we talk very little about. Thanks for always being relatable and having the courage to have these conversations. And here you are showing us how incredibly powerful gratitude can be. I have found myself in the last few months feeling jealous of the attention John gets from being sick. As a caregiver we sometimes feel left behind. But this is a reminder of how we can reframe our thinking and use gratitude as a tool.
What a great read. Love how you can change your perspective in a heart beat! And it’s all not “right or wrong” and like all marriages we are a work in progress. I think the more personal development we do, the more our “shit” can be less obvious ~ love to read your take on that!
Thanks for the great read. I find myself facing anger I have over expectations that aren’t met for the work that I’ve produced. I don’t know that I’ve been able to extrapolate any wisdom out of my situation like you have for yours. In a way….I’m kind of jealous of that. So far, I think I’ve taken a strategy of just letting go and enjoying life. Cause being upset in bitter….really sucks. Some days, I’m successful with that strategy. Some days….well not so much. Being able to watch your husband and just relax offers a good escape for me on those bad days (or even the ability to expand the joy on the good ones). Thanks for sharing him and supporting him.
Looking forward to more good times.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3